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a sporadic archive of rants & revelations from life on the road

substack essays

On artifice and story and guest-starring in a French reality TV show

6/19/2026

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REALITY TV SHOWS aren’t real but I didn’t learn this until I appeared in one when I was living in Zanzibar. Let me explain. This was back when I was dating Ali, a local man who liked to call himself a fisherman but was really more of a boat man, tugging tourists out to nearby islands and back to shore for vivid sunsets.

One evening, we were walking around around Stone Town, by the House of Wonders, when a couple from France tumbled out of a white van and asked us if they could stay with us for the night.

Ali and I looked at each other for a sec, gauging each other’s interest in an adventure like this—long story short, the couple were contestants on a French reality TV show called Pékin Express and part of the competition was to find lodging with locals as they competed in a variety of feats across Africa.

The two of us were still in love with each other and the life we were living, so we agreed to host this pair, Nicolas and Ingrid, for the night. But we didn’t realize that this also meant moving around the rest of the evening with their entire film crew, a scraggly group of cranky Europeans with tons of heavy equipment.

They started to complain about how late it was getting in the evening and insisted on filming the “good night” scene before they went out for dinner—they’d be too tired later to film it. So when we got back to the apartment, we were instructed to act out a scene in which Ali and I asked if our guests needed anything, and then say good night as we switched off the light.

It was absurd! It was only around six p.m. but we were rehearsing this going to sleep scene over and over again for about an hour, exhausting all of us.

And this is when I learned that reality TV is never real—it’s all rehearsed, scripted and coerced. Artificial reality. Artifice of the real. Contrived to feel live. Plotted and shot.

Nicolas and Ingrid gave us both a look like, “We’re so sorry,” and eventually the film crew left, and we were then free for the rest of the evening to actually talk off script. But by the time night did roll around, we were all too tired to say much besides, thank god this day is over, “good night, for real.”

There’s more to this story, but all just to say, it’s gotten me thinking lately about artificial reality as the precursor to artificial intelligence. These early days of taking real life and making it “seem” real was actually just one more stepping stone to the next stage and phase of this bending and warping we see happening with situations and stories, scenes and settings.

Ingrid left her black Rolling Stones t-shirt hanging to dry on the laundry line strung across our kitchen and that was the realest evidence left of this experience—otherwise, it would have felt like a dream.

Years later, we tried to find the footage of that episode on YouTube and came across it—season 7, episode 8. There’s Ali in his “I Heart Chicago” t-shirt that I bought him at Walgreens, and there I am wearing some frilly lavender purple shirt, a baby face of freckles and wide-eyed wonder.

Very strange to see one’s face on a TV show as a non-playing character, so to speak. I was part of their story but I was also living out my own story, and one was much more real than the other.

What's stayed with me wasn't the television show itself but the realization that reality had been edited before my eyes. The crew wasn't documenting a night—they were manufacturing one.
​
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Looking back now, in the age of AI-generated images, videos, and stories, that experience feels strangely familiar.

Now I’m having conversations with my boyfriend about what’s fair game when it comes to AI-assisted storytelling and literary collaborations. Is it fair to use my face and likeness in his experimental micro-dramas? Is it fair for me to use any element of his life or likeness in my own creative nonfiction narratives?

It feels like we’re all being asked to consider what’s real in new ways—consciousness studies has only amplified the question of reality as fluid and bending, negotiated and strange. But some things remain real or real enough to defend and those of us who find ourselves at the intersection of the real and unreal in art making must keep having these conversations even when the question itself—about the nature of reality—is laughing at us!

Strangely enough, I found myself on the set of Un Posto al Sole, a popular Italian telenovela, when I was visiting Naples a few years ago. I was with a dear friend who I used to live with for a while in Zanzibar, and she adored this show that she fondly called, “sole sole” for short.

​Every night when it came on, the house fell silent as she fixated on the story—no talking aloud—lights out for total immersion!


I grew familiar with the characters even if I didn’t understand the Italian dialogue and started to follow the drama that unfolded each week.

In Naples, when she told me she’d been invited onto the film set where they were shooting new episodes, I knew how important this visit would be for her and her young daughter, who also followed the show. Never mind that this would be a trek to a posh part of town in the middle of a heatwave, and that the set was all outdoors on the patio of a fancy mansion.

I wasn’t sure if I had it in me to make this journey with her—I was so miserable due to the insane, relentless heat—but I was also curious and up for the adventure of it all, and I didn’t want to get stuck in the dark apartment we were staying in with no air conditioning, so off we went in a taxi sputtering up winding switchback roads to the top of a hill where this luxury mansion had been converted into a film set.

A producer greeted us and walked us into a shady patch on the edges of the scene—two main characters, an older man reclined in a chair with his legs folded, drinking an espresso in the leafy shade of the patio, with an older woman dressed to the nines standing off to the side, trying to get his attention—and we watched as their dialogue unfolded.

Watching them run their lines took me temporarily out of one reality and into another.

And then I heard, “cut.” Scene over.​
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I’d temporarily forgotten how hot I was, how worried I was becoming that I’d faint, that I didn’t have enough water, that I was getting a bad sunburn by standing outside in the middle of the day with the sun blazing down on all of us.

​Now that the scene was over, I was back smack-dab in the middle of this miserable day, hoping I could make it back in one piece.


My friend looked at me delighted and seemingly unaffected by the weather—she’d just witnessed her two favorite telenovela stars in a scene she’d watch later and feel in her bones that she’d lived it with them!

​I was happy for her and confused for myself and also delighted and amazed by my life that it had led me to the set of an Italian soap opera set in a fancy mansion atop a hill in Naples, looking out at the shimmering sea.
​
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Set and setting. Situation and story. We’re making reality up as we go along, one choice, one scene, one decision, one turn at a time. I tend to think that because I write creative nonfiction—personal essays—autobiographical work—that I’m somehow more devoted to the truth—to what’s real, staying loyal to impressions as I lived them.

But these experiences stay with me as examples of all art as artifice—taking what’s real, or real enough, and making it even more real, or less, to make a story.

I’m not too sure what this means for AI and our collaborations or clashes with it, but I do believe that we’ve been bending reality as artifice—and art—long before AI (as we are beginning to know it) popped into popular consciousness.

Who gets to shape reality into a story? If we’ve always borrowed from real life to make art, how does AI in the mix alter the tenor and tone of such endeavors? Why does the acceleration of manufactured reality—art as artifice—feel so violating, when we’ve been doing some version of this forever? 
​
Let’s see what kinds of stories linger, let’s see which stories stick.
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On teaching again and the jitters and jazziness of trying something new

6/18/2026

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MY HEART is full of gratitude after the first workshop in my summer writing series, Slow Savor! This was a dream come true, to organize an online writing series with likeminded folks interested in generative writing sessions—to stir creativity in community!

I have teaching roots—my dad was an English teacher—I remember grading his students’ papers at the kitchen table when I was just ten years old! Can you imagine? I read his students’ essays and noted in red ink where they could elaborate or clarify. How absurd that my father trusted me to do this—I guess he needed assistance—but I often trace my teaching desires back to those nights at the kitchen table.

When I was little, I set up a school in the basement for my sister as my sole student. Later, I taught for many years in public schools—as an English teacher, and then as a visiting poet, a teaching artist, a professional development facilitator—but at some point I got burnt out by the work and the conversations that surrounded it. I remember feeling like we all kept saying and insisting on the same concepts and ideas, rarely moving the needle on our collective understanding of teaching or learning when it came to creative writing and the arts in general.

So my heart grew restless. I also started to doubt myself as a writer. It was around this time that my heart started tilting toward the Swahili Coast. I’d gone to Tanzania as a teaching artist and by the time my six weeks were up with the theater project, I’d already decided that if I could stay in that part of the world, I would do everything in my power to make it happen. A few months later, I packed up my life in Chicago and off I went to learn Swahili.

I was lucky to find work in a teaching-adjacent role at the local university as a resident director, hosting American students on language studies programs in Zanzibar. But I stopped teaching directly with students around that time, and of course, I started to miss it. I organized a monthly poetry series in town; I led poetry workshops at the embassy library on campus; I tried to stir up poetry and writing projects in collaborations of various kinds.

But essentially, I would stop teaching, at least in the classic sense, for many years. I drifted into a newsroom and then into a magazine, where my days were spent more on editorial workflows and calendars than curricula building and students’ work. I remembered fondly how I used to lug around my students’ poetry wherever I went in my car, reading and organize it, editing and publishing it. Those days were behind me, and I started to feel distanced from it.

After a while, for obvious reasons, I became totally disillusioned by the news and digital media in general. I wondered why and how I’d strayed so far away from my teaching roots—I used to love curriculum talk and building worlds with others through the arts—what was I doing now?

Last June, an unexpected invitation to New Mexico reacquainted me with my teaching self—I was asked to lead a weeklong creative nonfiction writing seminar as part of a larger anthropology collaboration with the School for Advanced Research in Santa Fe. At first, I felt a bit like an imposter—who, me? Yes, you, was the reply. I am grateful for a colleague who trusted me to lead and teach a series of workshops on the fine art of creative nonfiction writing for academics.

And I LOVED it. The experience totally energized me and reoriented me in the direction of teaching and learning. I still stumble sometimes to reconcile the past me with the present me when it comes to my teaching and leading self, but I’m so happy to know that this spark and desire to teach, learn, and write in community still glows inside me, and when I’m doing this work, my heart always feels full.

After Santa Fe, I started to offer more workshops around ideas that inspire me—letters, time, memory, symbols, space, consciousness—and it’s reassuring to know that when I follow my heart, I continue to connect with folks willing to meet me there. I’ve led writing workshops at my local library, at my local book and paper arts center, and now online, through this series I’d been thinking about for months and finally decided to just go ahead and try it.

I’m so very thankful for everyone who took time out of our busy days to pause, slow down and savor the writing process together—writing is lonely and mysterious, writing is strange and stirring, writing is joyful and relieving—it gives me hope to know that I’m in the company of others in this lifelong dance with the written word.

It takes courage to put something out there—a class, a series, a story, a poem, an idea—and sometimes I struggle with self-doubt around it all—who will read this, who will want this, who will care, there’s so much out there already, what do I have to say or offer that can’t be found elsewhere? But I’m realizing over and over again that what YOU put out there IS the greatest gift because it’s coming from you and no one else, and that’s why!

The night before the first workshop in this series, I got a little nervous—not bad nervous, just a little anxious, a little high-energy, a little over prepared, a little jittered and jazzed about it all. And I had to remind myself that even the greats talk about these nerves we all get before we start something new or share something that matters with the world—Ozzy Osbourne said that no matter how many times he performed for enormous audiences, he always got nervous right before a show.

My dad, who played jazz piano nearly every single day of his life, also got the shpilkes every Saturday night, right before his live gig on Facebook during the pandemic. He’d prep and prepare all week, painstakingly select his playlist, research and rehearse over and over again, fully prepared and ready to rumble, and yet, hours before the show, he’d pace the house, a little cranky and a little anxious and super excited, and sometimes kind of hungry, and wondering if he should make a last-minute wardrobe change.

We’ve all been there—we’ve all felt this way—before a big talk, or a performance of any kind, or any time we have to put our hearts out there and say “hi, here I am,” and show up and try and do the best we can with what we’ve got!
​

So here’s to all of us finding the courage to try—to share—to offer—to grow, because when you do, I do, and vice versa. You know what I mean! I’m excited for the next workshop and the next and look forward to all kinds of future collaborations from this point forward, knowing more concretely now that we already have everything it takes to make it all happen!
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On writing from the wound and the scar, the situation and the story

5/23/2026

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SAY WHAT NEEDS to be said, I heard once in a writing workshop. Speak with a “subjective curiosity,” I learned. And so I do, as Anne Lamott encourages, try whenever possible to own my stories. (These are quotes so influential to me that I’ve taped them to the wall above my desk as a reminder whenever I sit down to write).

But I’m also learning (and relearning) the difference between writing from the wound and writing from the scar. Words are powerful, from either place. I don’t have to fully understand or agree with alternative versions of events to know how I experienced and understand them and that’s what I consider the courageous work of writers of memoir and autobiography, we must find ways to work with the situation—and the story.

One of the best books on writing I’ve ever read—The Situation and the Story: The Art of Personal Narrative by Vivian Gornick—is a guide to writing personal nonfiction that distinguishes between the facts (situation) and the emotional experiences or insights the writer uncovers as she reveals them (the story). Most of the time, we get stuck with the situation but never discover—or create—the story.

I’m currently reading When We See You Again, Rachel Goldberg-Polin’s accounting of the tragic murder of her son Hersh, a hostage taken on October 7 from the Nova Music Festival. She says outright that she’s writing from the wound, not the scar. Her heart has shattered into a million pieces, she says, and she’s given each of her readers a piece with a warning—they’re sharp, they can cut you.

I’m also reading an interview between two women, one Palestinian, the other Israeli, who have agreed to speak into the wound, under a temporary contract to sit with each other’s discomforts, and stay—stay longer—when either wants to flee. The interview, between renowned therapist Orna Gurelnik and Christine, one of her former clients, is a masterclass in staying with the utter dissonance of two radically different points of view and tolerating each other's pain as long as possible.

“How do we keep talking when we feel hurt, afraid, victimized, murderous?”

But the pain eventually becomes unbearable to them both and eight months after the initial conversations—neither has changed the other’s mind—yet both have become more sensitive to the possibility that we don’t have to fully understand another person’s pain or grief in order to stay kind and compassionate toward them—to want what’s best for them—even to express love.
​

I’ll be returning again to this interview—I haven’t read anything quite like it in all the writing and literature that’s come out since October 7 on the intractable nature of conflict in Israel and Palestine. I think we’re all desperate for lessons on how to write, speak, and listen into each other’s heartbreak.
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    Essays by Amanda Leigh Lichtenstein is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.

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    Bio:

    Amanda Leigh Lichtenstein is a writer, poet, editor and vintage collector based in Skokie, Illinois. 

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